Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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