I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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