I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
