I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
