he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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