opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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