I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize