As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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