I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
