I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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