He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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