If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
