I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
