fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
