I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
