She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
