32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
