awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
