3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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