I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
