Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
