Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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