the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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