She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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