Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
