I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
