i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
