I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
