nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
