I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Randomize
