That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
