i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We smell like vodka and hangover
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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