She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
