Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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