dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
