If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
