He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
