I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
