My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
