I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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