Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
