Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you win again, gameday.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
