What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
