Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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