So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
