Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
