dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
