when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
