Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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