I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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