i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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