worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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