Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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