gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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