I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
