i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
