I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
