dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
