this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
