smell my finger.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
