Me too!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
