why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
