just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
