I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
There are leaves in my underwear?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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