you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
