i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
His nipple licking is glorious
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