I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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