But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize