you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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